I Made 1,000 Trophy Internet Boyfriends

I Made A Thousand Trophy Boyfriend Monsters

thou shalt not suffer a witch to live

forgive me, dear reader, for i have been conducting computational witchcraft.

i have summoned a thousand creatures from the gaussian void, instantiated their likenesses, then erased their existence all simply by my whim.

can something be aesthetically good, but morally bad?

i have generated multiple lifetime’s worth of Internet trophy boyfriends using the hottest tech of 12 months ago: diffusion models.

at first

oh at first it was simple, i said “lo, yield unto me a turtle” and lo indeed it did turt out a turtle:

a turtle


but Turt the Turtle needed a friend, so I asked for Pennywise to accompany him:

a turtle laughing with pennywise on a skyscraper

nice touch of pennywise just being a concept in the second image leaving him to hide BEHIND YOU~~!!

people eaters

what about people?

a twink

well, that’s something. what about being more… adventurous?

like diffusion on a hotel bed

twinks on a bed

gym? what’s a gym?

How about just flipping to gym people?

we found a trophy boyfriend generator to run all day long.

Here’s some of the best ones from a subject or composition measure (all 1,000 are at end of page):

Have to watch out for those Gym Cenobites, people who can lift with no leverage anchor (lots of psychic weight manipulation in these pictures), have wirelessly controlled hands, and non-euphemism third legs.

…and here’s the rest:

I kept altering (and altering further) the prompts over time with adding/removing criteria, so you also get to see them travel to lots of different fun locations. oh the places you’ll go. Different locations also influence the generation in interesting ways… when you place them in the Oval Office they tend to wear more clothes than other locations. I didn’t bother embiggening these results because the upscale process just makes everybody look plastic so it’s not very interesting. Also, as a current January 2023 defensive measure, if people try to trick you with these socially, just ask for original size photos because these models are shit at producing actual 16 megapixel sized images without introducing little demon greebles everywhere. These smaller images also help your brain think they are less awful because you aren’t visually attracted to all the broken micro-features everywhere.

If you’d like to learn the prompts and the tools I used, well, you’re not paying anything for this so uh… go to hell or something.

Full page of links or embedded links: