how is tech babby formed
Why do big tech recruiters at trillion dollar companies default to using infantilizing condescension when approaching high value people for HR acquisitions?
Imagine There’s No Competence
Imagine you wanted to hire Tim Cook — how would you go about it?
Would you email him saying “Hiiii!!!! Do you want to use your skills in SUPPLY CHAIN and CHINA and VIG and GLOBAL MONOPOLY CENSORSHIP to grow your career at Bleh Corp? HERE’S MY PUPPYYYYYY!!!!”
The confusion of intent between consummate professionalism and “wacky silliness look at mEEEE!!!!” breaks any sense of dealing with somebody who can accurately scope, understand, align, and engage in meaningful conversations regarding your technical, social, societal, and business priorities going forward.
If you are approaching people who have public proof of proficiency, the only practical hiring process is:
- describe the corporate goals you need achieved (near-term and long-term)
- describe relevant department / project / peer / reporting details
- state the salary and total comp range ± $5 million USD
- provide intros to hiring executive decision makers
- get out of the way
Unfortunately big tech still uses the “sweep and bin” approach to hiring where they interview 10,000 people, hire 500, then throw the hired cohort into random departments because “programmers” are infinitely interchangeable with no persistent experience or expertise or creativity outside of just being mid-tier typists.
If you want to hire good people, your executives need to be engaging in high-value recruiting directly. There’s no point in having mass-email recruiters trying to communicate with people making eight figure comp a year.
If your executives think hiring is beneath them or if they feel too overwhelmed to manage recruiting carrots themselves, then you don’t have an effective executive infrastructure.
The Interview (non-NK Edition)
So you would “love to partner with me?”
What do you know about my needs? Do we even have compatible food preferences? You ask too much.
The Stalker
It feels like combinations of excessive title inflation and outright wordplay in the recruiting loop. All roles from groundskeepers to janitors to mechanics to executives to board members now apparently need 7 word ego-inflating job titles instead of plainly stating the actual role.
The only valid job titles combine {level, department, role}1:
- levels: n00b, intern, junior, standard, senior, lead, staff, director, vp, executive
- department: product, infrastructure, sales, support, design, …
- role: developer, manager, support, recruiter, assistant, …
What exactly is a System Development Engineer vs Software Development Engineer vs Object-Oriented Design Software Engineer?
Feels more as if they want movable feast replaceable utility workers instead of locking down professionals who shape the future of existence by thought alone.
Friendly, as long as you comply with our demands, otherwise all bets are off
Conclusion
Maybe stop letting unknown nobodies from multi-trillion-dollar companies initiate what you expect to be high-value intros for long-term capitalism relationships?
A primary role of executives is talent growth and retention, so maybe outsourcing your responsibility to low value mass email spammers doesn’t really give people the best impression of your hiring funnel and long-term corporate anticipatory goals?
Hiring flows must be either inbound from public open job post submissions or outbound from a single decision maker with direct hiring authority who also controls generous budgets and runs the entire process or else your hiring outcomes will continually be “nobodies attracting nobodies.”
Without proper game-recognize-game hiring architecture, the competency of your entire multi-trillion-dollar company will begin slowly evaporating over time2. You’ll look back one day and see your company spiraling more and more out of control as you desperately grasp to hire a thousand new 22 year old OBJECT ORIENTED DESIGN ENGINEERS without the 20 years of experience needed to actually maintain and expand your platforms into our increasingly uncertain future.
cheers,
-matt,
whose comp ask at any big tech firm is currently minimum $30 million USD per year
also see:
- Google doing $100 billion in stock buybacks
- FB doing $50 billion in stock buybacks (combined with $20 billion “metaverse R&D loss” and over $5 billion in government fines from multiple countries for illegal manipulative business practices)
- AAPL doing $600 billion in stock buybacks
- MSFT doing $120 billion in stock buybacks
- baby AMZN starting their first $10 billion in stock buybacks
This mostly works? Maybe the non-IC roles like Director+ either become fully pluralized or just drop the third term (e.g. instead of “VP Product Developer” it gets reduced to “VP Product Developers” or just “VP Product,” depending on size/scale/scope of the organization overall of course)
↩In [166]: a = "n00b, intern, junior, standard, senior, staff, director, vp, executive".split(", ") In [167]: b = "product, infrastructure, sales, support, design".split(", ") In [168]: c = "developer, manager, support, recruiter, assistant".split(", ") In [169]: [" ".join([x, y, z]).title() for x in a for y in b for z in c] Out[169]: ['N00B Product Developer', 'N00B Product Manager', 'N00B Product Support', 'N00B Product Recruiter', 'N00B Product Assistant', 'N00B Infrastructure Developer', 'N00B Infrastructure Manager', 'N00B Infrastructure Support', 'N00B Infrastructure Recruiter', 'N00B Infrastructure Assistant', 'N00B Sales Developer', 'N00B Sales Manager', 'N00B Sales Support', 'N00B Sales Recruiter', 'N00B Sales Assistant', 'N00B Support Developer', 'N00B Support Manager', 'N00B Support Support', 'N00B Support Recruiter', 'N00B Support Assistant', 'N00B Design Developer', 'N00B Design Manager', 'N00B Design Support', 'N00B Design Recruiter', 'N00B Design Assistant', 'Intern Product Developer', 'Intern Product Manager', 'Intern Product Support', 'Intern Product Recruiter', 'Intern Product Assistant', 'Intern Infrastructure Developer', 'Intern Infrastructure Manager', 'Intern Infrastructure Support', 'Intern Infrastructure Recruiter', 'Intern Infrastructure Assistant', 'Intern Sales Developer', 'Intern Sales Manager', 'Intern Sales Support', 'Intern Sales Recruiter', 'Intern Sales Assistant', 'Intern Support Developer', 'Intern Support Manager', 'Intern Support Support', 'Intern Support Recruiter', 'Intern Support Assistant', 'Intern Design Developer', 'Intern Design Manager', 'Intern Design Support', 'Intern Design Recruiter', 'Intern Design Assistant', 'Junior Product Developer', 'Junior Product Manager', 'Junior Product Support', 'Junior Product Recruiter', 'Junior Product Assistant', 'Junior Infrastructure Developer', 'Junior Infrastructure Manager', 'Junior Infrastructure Support', 'Junior Infrastructure Recruiter', 'Junior Infrastructure Assistant', 'Junior Sales Developer', 'Junior Sales Manager', 'Junior Sales Support', 'Junior Sales Recruiter', 'Junior Sales Assistant', 'Junior Support Developer', 'Junior Support Manager', 'Junior Support Support', 'Junior Support Recruiter', 'Junior Support Assistant', 'Junior Design Developer', 'Junior Design Manager', 'Junior Design Support', 'Junior Design Recruiter', 'Junior Design Assistant', 'Standard Product Developer', 'Standard Product Manager', 'Standard Product Support', 'Standard Product Recruiter', 'Standard Product Assistant', 'Standard Infrastructure Developer', 'Standard Infrastructure Manager', 'Standard Infrastructure Support', 'Standard Infrastructure Recruiter', 'Standard Infrastructure Assistant', 'Standard Sales Developer', 'Standard Sales Manager', 'Standard Sales Support', 'Standard Sales Recruiter', 'Standard Sales Assistant', 'Standard Support Developer', 'Standard Support Manager', 'Standard Support Support', 'Standard Support Recruiter', 'Standard Support Assistant', 'Standard Design Developer', 'Standard Design Manager', 'Standard Design Support', 'Standard Design Recruiter', 'Standard Design Assistant', 'Senior Product Developer', 'Senior Product Manager', 'Senior Product Support', 'Senior Product Recruiter', 'Senior Product Assistant', 'Senior Infrastructure Developer', 'Senior Infrastructure Manager', 'Senior Infrastructure Support', 'Senior Infrastructure Recruiter', 'Senior Infrastructure Assistant', 'Senior Sales Developer', 'Senior Sales Manager', 'Senior Sales Support', 'Senior Sales Recruiter', 'Senior Sales Assistant', 'Senior Support Developer', 'Senior Support Manager', 'Senior Support Support', 'Senior Support Recruiter', 'Senior Support Assistant', 'Senior Design Developer', 'Senior Design Manager', 'Senior Design Support', 'Senior Design Recruiter', 'Senior Design Assistant', 'Staff Product Developer', 'Staff Product Manager', 'Staff Product Support', 'Staff Product Recruiter', 'Staff Product Assistant', 'Staff Infrastructure Developer', 'Staff Infrastructure Manager', 'Staff Infrastructure Support', 'Staff Infrastructure Recruiter', 'Staff Infrastructure Assistant', 'Staff Sales Developer', 'Staff Sales Manager', 'Staff Sales Support', 'Staff Sales Recruiter', 'Staff Sales Assistant', 'Staff Support Developer', 'Staff Support Manager', 'Staff Support Support', 'Staff Support Recruiter', 'Staff Support Assistant', 'Staff Design Developer', 'Staff Design Manager', 'Staff Design Support', 'Staff Design Recruiter', 'Staff Design Assistant', 'Director Product Developer', 'Director Product Manager', 'Director Product Support', 'Director Product Recruiter', 'Director Product Assistant', 'Director Infrastructure Developer', 'Director Infrastructure Manager', 'Director Infrastructure Support', 'Director Infrastructure Recruiter', 'Director Infrastructure Assistant', 'Director Sales Developer', 'Director Sales Manager', 'Director Sales Support', 'Director Sales Recruiter', 'Director Sales Assistant', 'Director Support Developer', 'Director Support Manager', 'Director Support Support', 'Director Support Recruiter', 'Director Support Assistant', 'Director Design Developer', 'Director Design Manager', 'Director Design Support', 'Director Design Recruiter', 'Director Design Assistant', 'Vp Product Developer', 'Vp Product Manager', 'Vp Product Support', 'Vp Product Recruiter', 'Vp Product Assistant', 'Vp Infrastructure Developer', 'Vp Infrastructure Manager', 'Vp Infrastructure Support', 'Vp Infrastructure Recruiter', 'Vp Infrastructure Assistant', 'Vp Sales Developer', 'Vp Sales Manager', 'Vp Sales Support', 'Vp Sales Recruiter', 'Vp Sales Assistant', 'Vp Support Developer', 'Vp Support Manager', 'Vp Support Support', 'Vp Support Recruiter', 'Vp Support Assistant', 'Vp Design Developer', 'Vp Design Manager', 'Vp Design Support', 'Vp Design Recruiter', 'Vp Design Assistant', 'Executive Product Developer', 'Executive Product Manager', 'Executive Product Support', 'Executive Product Recruiter', 'Executive Product Assistant', 'Executive Infrastructure Developer', 'Executive Infrastructure Manager', 'Executive Infrastructure Support', 'Executive Infrastructure Recruiter', 'Executive Infrastructure Assistant', 'Executive Sales Developer', 'Executive Sales Manager', 'Executive Sales Support', 'Executive Sales Recruiter', 'Executive Sales Assistant', 'Executive Support Developer', 'Executive Support Manager', 'Executive Support Support', 'Executive Support Recruiter', 'Executive Support Assistant', 'Executive Design Developer', 'Executive Design Manager', 'Executive Design Support', 'Executive Design Recruiter', 'Executive Design Assistant']Looking at you, Apple, who has had a continuous decline in software quality for almost 10 years now, and each year the software quality situation is getting worse and worse, and you refuse to create any adequate feedback system for us to report and follow up on problems in a timeframe of days or weeks — not months and years. There’s a frustrating stability inversion where small teams on small projects can create great reliable and usable software, but multi-trillion-dollar companies just keep churning out lower and lower quality software with more and more bugs plus they refuse to listen to any usability or outright bug feedback at all. Good job, everyone!↩